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Confessions: I Mixed My Shit With Jollof For Him

#WorstThingDone (Part 1)

1. “I had dated this guy for some years, and deep within me, wanted to marry him. He loved me too but he wasn’t sure whether or not to settle down. We were both ready to settle and spend the rest of our lives together… However, he was being unreasonable. Then my intuition drew my attention to certain, sudden changes. He was chatting/seeing another girl. A very pretty lady. My chances with him were becoming slim, so I drugged his drink, one night, at his home, with Ketamine. I had as much unprotected rides (sex) with him as I could, and then, cleaned him up.

The moment he woke up, I left his place. I got pregnant, and knowing him, he went ahead to do the right thing, to ask for my hand in marriage: because he didn’t want to raise a child outside marriage. We’ve done Eight (8) years already, as husband and wife. I love the way he treats me as his wife. I love the way he loves his kids. I love the way he loves me. He calls me so many times in a day to check on me. He helps me cook, clean and train the kids. He allows me so much time to rest.

What I did may have been wrong, but it got me the result I needed. And, it brought out the best in him too. I love my husband, and I will do anything to make him realize that.”

2. “He dated me for Three (3) years, and then left me for another woman. He married her actually. The worst thing I ever did to a man was to ask for a last night with him, a week to his wedding, to officially say goodbye. I prepared Jollof and minced meat Stew, with my Shit! I mixed the minced meat with my shit, spiced it up with so much flavored ingredients to reduce the smell of the shit. The stew looked so thick and nice and smelled good, I couldn’t be bothered to want to taste it.
He ate everything in the plate, meaning, it tasted good. I then congratulated him on his marriage. I moved on with my life.”

3. “I live with a scumbag, who is a cheat and a liar. I just don’t know how to trust my husband, Dave. He’s made ‘trust’ impossible for me. I tried the penis lock thing on him, but it did not work out. I later found out that I may have gotten his favorite fruit wrong. So, it was months after that try that I overheard our son, asking his daddy, what his favorite fruit was. It was Orange.

I chewed Four (4) Orange seeds, broke one fresh egg and took the yolk out and put it in my mouth, added a tablespoon full of schnapps, forcefully spoke my heart desire out, and then swallowed the whole thing. That night, before sleeping, I gave my husband an intensive blowjob, making him pre-cum in my mouth, and then swallowed that too. We had very good sex that evening.

Prior to that, he used to have a very cheerful mood every time he returned from work. I saw a sudden change in him the following evening. He wasn’t himself. He wouldn’t play with our kids, he wouldn’t eat his dinner, nothing! Then we got to bed, and I realized he wanted to have sex with me. I practically heard him breathe a sigh of relief when his dick erected.

He wouldn’t talk to me about his problems, but I overheard him talk on phone one dawn, to his girlfriend, about not being able to have erection anymore. Apparently, he had tried sleeping with other girls to be sure he wasn’t imagining things. But with me, he could have it in its full strength. I know he is disturbed. I feel his shame anytime he wants to have sex with me; I feel his guilt and confusion, but I don’t care, Dave. I did what I had to do, and it worked. He cannot have erection anywhere else, except in my presence.

Now, nobody forces him to rush home to be with me. He’s become my best friend. Sometimes, it may be all wrong to be selfish in getting what you want, but it is also alright, especially, if it puts the other party in check. I am so happy now, Dave.”

4. “I gained admission to pursue a Master’s programme in the States, 12 years ago, and I didn’t have the funds to pay for my fees. My husband couldn’t help out either, so I discussed it with a friend in Chicago, to help out. She’s black American, and had been my Facebook friend for Two (2) years. She was willing to help out. I wanted to make it up to her in a way, but couldn’t think of anything; then I remembered she once mentioned, wanting to have a baby with a Ghanaian man.
In fact, she was crushing on my husband, when she made those comments years back, so I invited her to Ghana, pitched an idea to her as payment for her help. My husband didn’t know her, so the plan worked so easily.

I gave my friend every information about my husband’s whereabouts, gave directs to where ever my husband informed me of going, so they accidentally bounce into each other. My friend is very pretty, so I wasn’t bothered. After Six (6) unsuccessful attempts, my husband finally noticed her, and started a conversation, took her number, and began flirting with her.

They engaged in sexual activities for almost a month and Two (2) weeks. When my friend found out she was pregnant, she left Ghana, to the States – without even saying ‘bye’ to my husband. I remember how down my husband was – for months. The least this I did, he got pissed. The least thing the kids did, he would be pissed. He began losing weight, started to think and wander in thoughts, cry at dawn, after calling my friend’s Ghana phone number, which, of course, she threw the sim away.

When he sobered after a few months, I asked him what the problem was, he wouldn’t mind me… Then I asked if he was cheating on me, and he said, no! Rather, “I lost a huge business deal.”

I am done with my Master’s Degree, which was fully funded by my friend. She gave me accommodation when I was in the States, allowed me play a major role in her baby girl’s life, until I returned to Ghana. We are all happy now.”

5. “I got pregnant for a married man I was dating. He wouldn’t want to have a baby with me so he gave me money to abort it. I used the money to buy food ingredients, prepared the meal with my pregnant urine – the day he was visiting me, and helped him eat the whole food. That very evening, he sent me a text message when he got home, asking about the pregnancy, and how he wished I hadn’t aborted it. I told him I hadn’t.

Dave, he bought a Two (2) bedroom house for me, provided money every week for my upkeep, hired a personal driver for my rounds, checked on me every day, till date. He has his own kids with his wife, but it’s like, my baby is his major concern now. My mum once told me how she used the pregnant urine procedure to make my dad commit to my birth and upkeep. I just had to revisit and remake history.”

6. “The night I found out about my husband’s affair with his personal secretary, I had a dream, a terrible dream, that he had been arrested at the airport for drug possession. Two (2) weeks after knowing about the affair, he informed me of traveling to the UK on a job assignment. He was travelling with his personal assistant.

David, this world can be very interesting, you know? And you know some dreams do come true too at a point, don’t you? Because my husband was arrested at the airport, with his PA, for drug possession. Luckily for the young lady, she was set free. My husband has Nine (9) more years to serve in prison.
Apparently, someone planted the cocaine inside his luggage. I wish I know who. Lol! Anyway, I am glad I know where my husband is now, 24/7. I don’t have to worry any more about where or what or who he is with right now. I am a happy woman. So, for me the worst thing ever done would be, jubilating and living life to the fullest, after finding out about my husband’s arrest. Lol!”

7. “I left my husband-to-be at the altar. One of the women he was sleeping with left a package at my gate: A phone that had all of their chat conversations and audio recordings of their numerous phone calls. She had a video recording on the phone – of them having sex, and all these dated to when we were courting. I always had this inner discomfort about my intended marriage to him. I was in my 30’s, feeling ‘older’ in my own skin, and wanted so much to be a ‘Mrs.’, somebody’s ‘Mrs.’. I was scared of being alone, I felt I was under so much pressure to settle down – because all of my age mates were getting married and having babies, that, I thought I was behind.

I almost rushed into marriage with him. Dave, I left him at the altar on our wedding day. And I made sure the phone delivered to me was sent to him in church – for his viewing pleasure. It was delivered to him on the altar by one of his best men. I drove to Holy Trinity Spa, to relax and rethink. I am still single, but very happy with myself. I am excelling at work. I am building myself up. I am feeling hopeful for the very best future ahead of me.”

8. “Well David, some people might see this as nothing but anyone who knows me very well will know this to be my extreme. I dated this guy for almost Six (6) years. I was faithful – he wasn’t (serial cheater), I gave him everything – he gave me nothing. For 6yrs I endured every emotional abuse possible. Someone will ask why I stayed for so long? I can only say I was very young and naive when I met him and he was wonderful in the beginning so I fell hard. And also I knew one day my time will come if I was patient enough. He used to break up with me most times when he found a new conquest just for the freedom to fool around and come back to me when he was done. He thought I didn’t know. As naive as I was and with encouragement and support from his parents and siblings I accepted him back. So unfortunately the last time he did that was a few days to Valentine ’s Day, and that was the day I decided, NO MORE!

My heart had been broken enough. God being so good, I had reconnected with an old friend who helped me selflessly at one point. Someone I knew from way back before I met this my ex. We started chatting as friends again and it gradually moved to something serious. It gave me the confidence I needed to get over my ex and move on. I knew my ex would come back with absolute certainty and this time I waited with pleasure. Well, he did come back a few months later and he realized something was different. I wasn’t so receptive. He went all out to make it up to me this time because he had planned to marry me the following year.

I believe he sensed losing me so he decided then to be serious. Not to blow my own horn but I am a very good woman, the best he had in every way and he knew it. But what he didn’t know and never dreamed was that I had accepted to marry this old friend of mine and I was planning my wedding. I accepted my ex, humored him. Made sure he was happy and secure in the knowledge that he still had me, ‘the LOVE OF HIS LIFE ‘. Only for him to wake up one Sunday morning to pictures of my marriage. He fell sick at once and had diarrhea for 3 days straight. He broke-down. It’s been 4yrs and counting and I’ve never regretted my choice once. I’m the happiest woman alive and I finally know what peace and security feels like. And he has just been moving from one girl to the next, struggling to find a ‘GOOD ONE’. My advice to anyone in such a situation is to just be patient and pray. Your time will come.”

9. “My husband has a character I despise. And, I had vowed never to have a child with him to inherit such character traits/genes. So I slept with his brother instead to get pregnant.”

10. “I needed a confession from my husband, so I paid a group of strong guys, enough money, to attack our home one dawn, and also threaten to kill my husband, if he did not confess to sleeping with the girlfriend of one of the robbers. The girl he confessed sleeping with – was the same girl I suspected was having an affair with. They beat my husband mercilessly, and then warned him to keep off her. Now, he walks on pins and needles when he goes out.”

11. “I lied about being a virgin to marry the man of my dreams. But truth is, I have slept with over 89 men. I had to survive at the University in order to pay my fees, so I managed to convince him by making believe something ‘virgin-like, on our honeymoon.”

12. “I was living a certain kind of life in the past that – getting pregnant was a ‘no-no’, so I had my womb tied. I had a daughter before making that decision. I gave my baby up for adoption, years ago, even though I know where she is and which family she is with. My husband has no idea of this past, and thinks, we ain’t getting pregnant because it’s not in ‘God’s time yet.’ I have bribed our family doctor to keep telling my husband everything is alright with both of us, and that, we both should keep trying for that baby. I am paying this doctor GHs 10, 000 every year, to stick to that script. That is my worst thing hidden from my husband.”

13. “I found out in December, that I am HIV+, I haven’t told my husband yet. We both have cheated in our marriage, however, I do not know who contracted it. So I am still being his wife, doing every duty, until he finds out about his own status.”

From the inbox of David Papa Bondze-Mbir’s Facebook page.

Thank you

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